An Open Letter to Tanya Lee H.

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Writer’s note:  I am writing this week’s post to all my blogs as I feel that it is important not only to me, but also to those who have those long unanswered questions about me.  Some of the information presented here may be offensive to some people.  Reader discretion is advised.

 

Dear Tanya Lee H.:

 

In 11 days on May 25, 2014, you will be getting married in some place called Diamond Bar, California.

 

The bad news is that it is not to me.

 

The worse news is that I feel that it is a HUGE mistake.

 

Of course, you could say that I am jealous that it is not me that you are marrying.

 

However, after stalking your future husband’s Twitter and Facebook accounts, it appears that this guy is nothing but a self-centered jerk.  I am basing this solely on what I have read and seen online of this guy.  I feel that this wedding is more of a matter of social convenience rather than the true love that we (yes, us) could and should have had.

 

Let me now rewind the story back a few years ago when we first met.

 

I had been working with your brother Rob for a few years when you started working as a cashier at Staples.  During your employment with Staples, we talked all the time when we weren’t busy.

 

We learned a lot about each other.  So much so that I felt like we belonged together.  I thought that possibly that you felt the same way.

 

But something bothered me.

 

There were some things that you said to me that disturbed me.  While I don’t want to mention them here, I internally questioned your social stability.

 

After having been through other toxic relationships in the past, I was personally scared of what life would be like if we were alone together on a date or something like that.  I really wanted to be with you, but felt that working together would violate company policy and I think you felt the same way.

 

Then the day came.

 

You decided to quit the company.  I dreaded this day ever since I learned it was going to happen.  I was bothered that I was losing my best friend and confidant.

 

It was on that last night together that you hugged me and gave me your telephone number.

 

This was actually 2 firsts.  Nobody had ever hugged me before.  Don’t laugh – it is true.  The funny thing was I finally felt loved for the first time in my life.

 

The second first was that Tanya gave me her telephone number.  Again nobody has ever given me their number before much less a female.

 

However, and it was a big however, was she said to me “call me if you want”.  These words became etched in my head like as if she really was interested, but may not be interested.

 

To say I was confused by this would be an understatement.  I was actually set back as if she was pushing me away while at the same time wanting me.

 

Then the worse thing happened.  I lost her phone number.  Make that I misplaced it and it got cleanly washed away.

 

So I could not call her.  The phone number was not in the book and I had no way of reaching her.  All of a sudden my life turned to crap.

 

For weeks, I was hoping that you would return back to Staples so that we could talk about getting together.

 

But it didn’t happen.

 

Disappointment was mounting.

 

Then one Tuesday, while at the mall, I saw you at the late Waldenbooks store sitting on one of the benches looking at a book with a female friend.  I tried hard not to be seen by you as I did not want to embarrass you or your friend.

 

Luckily, I was able to leave the store without being seen.

 

About a half-hour later, my luck ran out.  I was at Best Buy with my mother shopping and you were alone and noticed me.  I remember I was looking at “The Mummy” DVDs and you focused your radar on me.

 

This is where everything went wrong.  You asked me why I didn’t call you.  I tried to be diplomatic in my conversation with you especially since I had my mother with me and she did not know about you.  I tried to tell you that I wanted to talk later someplace alone.  It appeared that you wanted none of that.

 

Then you stormed off out of the store.

 

At this point, I had a choice.  I could leave my mother in the store alone (mistake) or I could chase after you and talk to you right then and there (possibly a bigger mistake).  I decided to choose the former.

 

Sadly, at this point, I never saw you ever again.  Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to spindle downward with no bottom in site.

 

Then it happened.

 

I was driving home one night from work and I was listening to the radio.  This song came on the radio that struck me like lightning.

 

The song was “So Yesterday” by a girl named Hilary Duff.  Suddenly, this song related to what happened between me and Tanya.  This song wedged in my head so much that I could not shake it.  The more I heard it over the next couple of days, the more I related to it.

 

At this point, I decided to learn more about this Hilary Duff girl.  I found out that she was the star of a popular Disney Channel show “Lizzie McGuire”.  I decided to watch an episode just to get a feeling for what this girl was really like.

 

Then it happened.

 

I was hooked on Hilary.  Like a druggie, I could not get enough Duff.  I bought CDs, DVDs, magazines, books and anything else with her in it.

 

I was obsessed.  It became so bad that I asked Best Buy if I could have a large poster of her when they were finished using it.  I did the same at f.y.e. with a poster they had as well.   I also asked there if I could have the “Lizzie McGuire Movie” video display when they were done with it.  They allowed me to have it.

 

At this point, it seemed that I was completely obsessed with Hilary, even going to the point of carrying the lyrics of “So Yesterday” in my pocket and reading them when I was depressed.

 

I was also joining as many online groups as I could from Yahoo to feed my desire for pictures, comments or anything else related to Hilary.

 

It would be obvious at this point I was not only obsessed, but crazy about her.  Some online groups shunned people like me for being “too old” for being a fan.  I told them that real fans came in all ages.  Certainly, I was not alone in my beliefs.

 

Then the big one happened.

 

Lizzie McGuire was done, but my obsession was not.

 

I had to find a new outlet for social relief.

 

So I started watching other Disney shows at the time such as “Suite Life of Zack and Cody”, “Hannah Montana” and “Wizards of Waverly Place” among others.  I quickly became obsessed with these shows as well.

 

I would buy as many of the teen magazines as I possibly could every month even though I was really too old for them.  It became apparent that I needed an intervention.

 

Before that would happen, I started watching shows on Nickelodeon as the shows on Disney Channel became stale.  Once again, my obsession with kid and teen shows grew.

 

At this point, much of my thoughts had turned away from Tanya.  However, one day while on the old MySpace, I decided to friend her out of the blue.  It appeared she either rejected me or ignored me.  At this point, I also noticed that she was living somewhere in the Midwest.  This bothered me as it seemed she wanted nothing to with me at all anymore.

 

So with no future with Tanya and no intervention, I was further encouraged with my admiration for people like Hilary over the remainder of time that I remained employed at Staples.

 

After leaving Staples, I decided that I was finally going to join the new social media revolution.  I signed up for Facebook and Twitter.  Quickly some of my old work colleagues friended me on Facebook and soon I would be using Twitter extensively as well.

 

Then I decided one day to look up Tanya on Facebook and Twitter.  I noticed on Facebook that she had since moved to Sherman Oaks California.  On Twitter, she had an account, but she has never tweeted.  I am only one of four of her followers.  I wonder if she knows that I am following her there even though she has never tweeted anything.  I also noticed that another one of her followers was a guy named Dave V.

 

So I decided to investigate him.  What I saw I didn’t like.  Then I did more and more reading about him, the less I liked.

 

This brings us up to the last couple of months.  I decided to Google Tanya’s name and I found out that she was engaged to this Dave guy.  Imagine the fact that I was completely heartbroken beyond belief.

 

So she moved 3,000 miles away to get away from me and then get engaged to someone else.  It appeared that my chances with her were over.

 

However, I still needed an output for my emotions.  So, a few months after starting my anti-Staples blog, I decided to start a new blog discussing virtually any other topic.  Ironically, many of those postings have been about teen shows just to help me cope with my social loss.  I know that many people have always been confused why I discuss these types of shows more than adult shows, but now I hopefully have cleared up the method behind my madness.  It is just my way of producing my own intervention or something like it.

 

Overall, Tanya’s wedding will not have my blessing under any circumstances.  I feel that I was shortchanged in this relationship as she refused to listen to me that I really wanted her, but I could not contact her because she was not found in the phonebook or any other method.  I don’t feel that I was to be to blame for this relationship failure, but a huge misunderstanding between 2 people.

 

Lastly, I still have those posters of Hilary on my living room wall and the “Lizzie McGuire” is still in my bedroom filled with all those teen books and video tapes from back in the day.

 

Tanya, you may be so yesterday, but I still wish that you would be really part of my tomorrow.

 

I am hoping someday you will get to read this and know that I still really care about you despite being so far away.  I wish I could right the wrongs of the past.

 

Sincerely,

 

Louis Brown

(your best friend from Staples)

 

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Colbert and Kid’s Choice Awards

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If you have been living under a rock, then the news that Stephen Colbert taking over for David Letterman next year may be a shock.

 

Not that I meant that to be a purposeful rhyme, but I don’t believe that Colbert was the best choice for the next in line for the 11:30pm time slot on CBS.  I feel that the choice was put forth by pressure of what the general public had wanted and not a true audition.

 

It was easy for CBS to pick Colbert because his show runs on Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom.  This is the same company that used to own CBS therefore it was probably an even easier decision as the two companies are probably still cozy with each other.

 

As I have never watched Colbert’s show, I can’t say how good he will be, but from the clips I have seen I have low expectations.  I will probably watch once and never go back.

 

Speaking of Viacom, a couple of weeks ago, one of its other channels, Nickelodeon aired its annual slop-fest of ‘Kid’s Choice Awards”.  Every year, it seems that this show gets worse and worse.

 

This year was no different.  Host Mark Wahlberg ran around the stage saying “I can’t be slimed” and in the end does get it.  Gee, what a surprise.  When will they think up something new?  The host always gets the green goo on them at the end of the show.  How about a year where it doesn’t happen?

 

The only high point (if you can call it that) was the lifetime achievement award given to producer Dan Schneider.  If you don’t know who he is, he created shows such as “iCarly”, “Victorious”, “Drake and Josh”, “Zoey 101” among others.  The stage became the biggest reunion of his shows ever assembled.  However, it seemed that the “Zoey 101” cast was missing from this reunion.

 

Most importantly missing from this whole thing was Jennette McCurdy from “Sam & Cat”.  While this show won fan favorite, Jennette was a no-show.  Is she angry with the network that her show is on hiatus or does it have to do with the leaked lingerie photos of her that occurred a couple of months ago?  While the pics were not nudes, they still showed her in a less than kid-friendly wardrobe.   Maybe she is embarrassed or maybe fed up with Nickelodeon entirely.  Either way, we will probably never know for a long time if ever.  Overall, the show was bad and maybe Jennette knew it beforehand.

 

Frankly, I would love to see Colbert host the Kid’s Choice Awards only to get slimed.  It may change his mind of hosting another late night talk show.  Maybe, Jennette can host the late night show instead.

 

Just a thought.

 

2 Shows From Nick Castmates

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The drought of the Dan Schneider era is over.  We finally have “Sam & Cat”, but was it worth the wait?  This show airs Saturday nights on Nickelodeon.

 

This show is double-edged spinoff of “iCarly” and “Victorious”.  Both shows ended last year with “iCarly” getting a real series finale and “Victorious” getting kicked to the curb leaving viewers hanging.

 

This story sort of takes place a couple of months after “iCarly” had ended because we see Sam (Jennette McCurdy) traveling on her motorcycle in the Los Angeles area.  Apparently she rode from Seattle to L.A. for a new life.  Of course, she really hasn’t even graduated high school yet given where the story should be at.  While in L.A. and getting a snack at food truck, she sees Cat (Ariana Grande) rescue an animal from a garbage can.  A garbage truck comes along while Cat is in the can and dumps her and its load into the truck.  Sam chases after the truck, jumps in to rescue Cat and thereby begins their new life together.

 

Further along in this pilot episode, the girls decide that they will roommate together and start a babysitting service.  They decide to do this after their daylong adventure with e kids they had taken care of.  Along the way in this episode, we meet Cat’s grandmother who Sam promptly puts into a senior living center leaving the girls to live in the grandmother’s house alone.

 

This pretty much sums up the story without giving away the whole thing.  However, honestly, after waiting for this show I was expecting more, a lot more.

 

I can’t really blame producer Dan Schneider for this show.  After all, most of his shows he produced in the past such as “Zoey 101”, “Drake and Josh” along with the ones previously mentioned started out slowly, very slowly.  In fact, most of his pilot episodes could be considered bad if not downright terrible.  Usually after the first couple of episodes the shows do improve significantly, but we have to get over the freshman slump of the series.

 

However the show could use some real tweaking now.  Here is what I would do to make it better:

 

  • Get rid of the babysitting idea.  Sadly, Dan Schneider is outside his comfort zone with this one as babysitting is already dominant on other horrible shows like “Baby Daddy”.
  • Have the characters go to school.  Both Sam and Cat are high-school age anyway so show them in that environment.  It has been the center of virtually all other of Dan Schneider’s shows so why change now?  Certainly it would be nice to see Hollywood Arts from “Victorious” in this show.
  • Bring in old cast members to fill in a much needed cast for this show.  There are several actors from the old shows that are probably unemployed right now looking for a new gig.  What a perfect idea for them to show up here?
  • Add an intelligent adult.  Missing and needed is someone mature who can lead the two girls into something meaningful in life.

 

With the above mentioned suggestions, this show could be a hit.  However right now, this show is barely passable, but I will give it a chance.

 

One the other hand, I cannot say the same for the show “Twisted” airing on ABC Family.

 

Avan Jogia , also of the show “Victorious”, stars as the troubled teen who returns to his old neighborhood after years from being away for committing a murder when he was 11.  Apparently, he murdered his aunt with a jump rope or something to that extent.  His mother is played by the seemingly misplaced Denise Richards.

 

Unfortunately this entire cast seems much displaced as this seems like a tired old storyline idea with nothing new going for it.  What’s worse is that Avan keeps looking over to the side as if he is reading off a cue card just out of camera view.  He also did this on “Victorious” as well, but it wasn’t so noticeable then.  Sadly, he reads his lines with no emotion and seemingly like it is his first time even reading them.  This became annoying to the point that it was almost funny.

 

If this was a comedy, I would say great idea.  Unfortunately, this is another wishy-washy forgettable drama like “Huge” and “Jane by Design” was.  Since it is airing during the summer, we can only hope that this show never returns after its run.  It is that bad.

 

Summary and scores:

 

“Sam & Cat”:

 

Worth a try and may become another Dan Schneider hit.

My Score:  7

 

“Twisted”:

 

Maybe good to see how acting should not be done, but otherwise this show is a disaster.

My Score:  1

iCarly is iGone and My iAwards

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We have finally seen the end of iCarly.  The episode entitled “iGoodbye” was the last show of the series.  Personally, I felt that this episode was neither the best episode nor nowhere near the worst episode of the series.  However, for those wanting to flashback through the years were treated with some interesting scenes as well as some reminiscent lines from the years.  I would rate this episode a 7 and overall I would rate the series a 7 as well.  The series had many high points, but it also had some episodes that absolutely dragged.  Many of the episodes were uneven and the finale was no exception.  Sure, it was great to see Carly’s dad finally, but what about characters like Socko and Sam’s dad?  These characters were mentioned several times over the years but were never shown.

One thing that bothered me most about this series was the sexual overtone of the show.  In the final show, Ms. Briggs “pointy boobs” were discussed, which is hardly a good family topic.  Over the years, we saw the “Talking Bra” character and in one episode Spencer took the door sign off Freddie’s apartment and showed it to the gang and it looked like a certain male organ (Freddie lived in apartment “8=D”(as the sign says)).  Of course, boobs always played a part in the show.  In the episode “iMeet Fred”, Freddie points to a couple of girl’s shirts, one who is large chested, and he says “I see you girls like Fred”.  If you watch his eyes, he is got his fixated on the large chested girl.  Seconds later the 2 girls bring Freddie down and when he stands up he says “Thank you” as the girls strut prominently away.  All I can say is “Thank you” Dan Schneider for this sexy scene.  In the episode “iBalls”, Freddie and the viewing audience gets quite an eyeful of Sam’s (Jennette McCurdy) oversized boobs in a tight orange sweater.  Talk about a ratings booster.  It was quite obvious that because the episode was all about 3D that having Sam’s boobs be huge and quite out there was not a mistake in any way.  I keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be “family viewing”, not some slutty late night show on Cinemax.  It is all this type of conversation and appearances that make the show more adult oriented than kid-friendly.  I knocked the series down 1 point because of this.  Mind you that my rating of a 7 for the series is for the younger viewers and for adults I prefer to call it a ratings pass as the enjoyment for adults is limited by how much toleration parents and adults have toward the sexual content.  Personally, I would give the adult content an 8, which means that there is a fair amount of questionable content in the show.  Compared to other shows produced by Dan Schneider, this show had a very high level of sexual content.  Maybe that is why the show lasted longer than most of live action shows on Nickelodeon.

Now I wish to present my own iCarly Awards.  These are my opinions alone, however I will accept comments on the opinions of others. Here we go:

  • Best Episode:  iFight Shelby Marx” and “iParty with Victorious” (tie).  These 2 episodes had 1 thing in common:  Victoria Justice.  Ironically both of these episodes stood out as being my personal best episodes.  The ‘iParty” episode must have been so good that they had aired an extended 2 hour version of the episode, which was even better than the 1 ½ hour version.  The “iFight” episode was so good that it got its own DVD release.  Somebody must really have had the same ideas that I had about these shows.
  • Worst Episode:  “iHalloween” and “iChristmas” (tie).  Nothing is worse than having to put up with holiday episodes that are both sad and funny at the same time.  Thankfully, we only had to put up with them once a year.
  • Best Guest Star:  Emma Stone.  She played an obsessed fan in the episode of “iFind Spencer Friends” and was falling all over the place to get herself in pictures with the iCarly gang.  She even went into the men’s bathroom to get a picture with Gibby.  A hilarious scene-stealer and wonderful comedy bit.  If the movie career doesn’t work out for Emma she certainly has a future in TV comedy.  You gotta love that girl.
  • Worst Guest Star:  Jack Black.  In the episode of ‘iStart a Fan War”, Jack plays a nemesis to Spencer and battles him in a boring battle of odd words and strange fighting.  The only redeeming value of this episode was the appearance of characters from “Zoey 101” and “Drake and Josh” at a forum to discuss the iCarly web show, which turned into an out-and-out brawl over the discussion of who Freddie was in love with.  Of course right through the final episode it is still unknown if Freddie wanted Carly or Sam.  I guess that is one battle that will never end.
  • Best Extended Special Episode:  “iPsycho” and “iStill Psycho” (tie).  Nothing was better than crazy Nora trapping the iCarly gang, not once but in 2 episodes.  If only she made an appearance in the finale and trap them forever, then that would have been entertaining.
  • Worst Extended Special Episode:  ‘iGo to Japan”.  Not only was this episode not filmed in Japan, it should never have been filmed at all.  Not funny and too long at 1 ½ hour in length.  Disney’s “Shake It Up” did a recent Japan episode that was a ½ hour shorter and many times funnier.
  • Best Character Skit:  The cowboy and the Farm girl who thought the cowboy’s mustache was a squirrel.  Just the title alone brings giggles.
  • Worst Character Skit:  Baggles – a big bag of yogurt with a sinus problem.  Introduced in the “iBalls” episode previously mentioned, the only plus side was watching Sam squeeze this garbage bag while the camera pans down upon her cleavage.  Sick character and icky camera shot as well.

So as we pass iCarly into the history books, let’s keep in mind that this show was still fairly entertaining despite its sexual overtones.  Unfortunately, the show Victorious will be ending after this season as well, however it was a much different show, as I will explain after the series ends.  Until then let’s enjoy what we have left!