An Open Letter to Tanya Lee H.

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Writer’s note:  I am writing this week’s post to all my blogs as I feel that it is important not only to me, but also to those who have those long unanswered questions about me.  Some of the information presented here may be offensive to some people.  Reader discretion is advised.

 

Dear Tanya Lee H.:

 

In 11 days on May 25, 2014, you will be getting married in some place called Diamond Bar, California.

 

The bad news is that it is not to me.

 

The worse news is that I feel that it is a HUGE mistake.

 

Of course, you could say that I am jealous that it is not me that you are marrying.

 

However, after stalking your future husband’s Twitter and Facebook accounts, it appears that this guy is nothing but a self-centered jerk.  I am basing this solely on what I have read and seen online of this guy.  I feel that this wedding is more of a matter of social convenience rather than the true love that we (yes, us) could and should have had.

 

Let me now rewind the story back a few years ago when we first met.

 

I had been working with your brother Rob for a few years when you started working as a cashier at Staples.  During your employment with Staples, we talked all the time when we weren’t busy.

 

We learned a lot about each other.  So much so that I felt like we belonged together.  I thought that possibly that you felt the same way.

 

But something bothered me.

 

There were some things that you said to me that disturbed me.  While I don’t want to mention them here, I internally questioned your social stability.

 

After having been through other toxic relationships in the past, I was personally scared of what life would be like if we were alone together on a date or something like that.  I really wanted to be with you, but felt that working together would violate company policy and I think you felt the same way.

 

Then the day came.

 

You decided to quit the company.  I dreaded this day ever since I learned it was going to happen.  I was bothered that I was losing my best friend and confidant.

 

It was on that last night together that you hugged me and gave me your telephone number.

 

This was actually 2 firsts.  Nobody had ever hugged me before.  Don’t laugh – it is true.  The funny thing was I finally felt loved for the first time in my life.

 

The second first was that Tanya gave me her telephone number.  Again nobody has ever given me their number before much less a female.

 

However, and it was a big however, was she said to me “call me if you want”.  These words became etched in my head like as if she really was interested, but may not be interested.

 

To say I was confused by this would be an understatement.  I was actually set back as if she was pushing me away while at the same time wanting me.

 

Then the worse thing happened.  I lost her phone number.  Make that I misplaced it and it got cleanly washed away.

 

So I could not call her.  The phone number was not in the book and I had no way of reaching her.  All of a sudden my life turned to crap.

 

For weeks, I was hoping that you would return back to Staples so that we could talk about getting together.

 

But it didn’t happen.

 

Disappointment was mounting.

 

Then one Tuesday, while at the mall, I saw you at the late Waldenbooks store sitting on one of the benches looking at a book with a female friend.  I tried hard not to be seen by you as I did not want to embarrass you or your friend.

 

Luckily, I was able to leave the store without being seen.

 

About a half-hour later, my luck ran out.  I was at Best Buy with my mother shopping and you were alone and noticed me.  I remember I was looking at “The Mummy” DVDs and you focused your radar on me.

 

This is where everything went wrong.  You asked me why I didn’t call you.  I tried to be diplomatic in my conversation with you especially since I had my mother with me and she did not know about you.  I tried to tell you that I wanted to talk later someplace alone.  It appeared that you wanted none of that.

 

Then you stormed off out of the store.

 

At this point, I had a choice.  I could leave my mother in the store alone (mistake) or I could chase after you and talk to you right then and there (possibly a bigger mistake).  I decided to choose the former.

 

Sadly, at this point, I never saw you ever again.  Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to spindle downward with no bottom in site.

 

Then it happened.

 

I was driving home one night from work and I was listening to the radio.  This song came on the radio that struck me like lightning.

 

The song was “So Yesterday” by a girl named Hilary Duff.  Suddenly, this song related to what happened between me and Tanya.  This song wedged in my head so much that I could not shake it.  The more I heard it over the next couple of days, the more I related to it.

 

At this point, I decided to learn more about this Hilary Duff girl.  I found out that she was the star of a popular Disney Channel show “Lizzie McGuire”.  I decided to watch an episode just to get a feeling for what this girl was really like.

 

Then it happened.

 

I was hooked on Hilary.  Like a druggie, I could not get enough Duff.  I bought CDs, DVDs, magazines, books and anything else with her in it.

 

I was obsessed.  It became so bad that I asked Best Buy if I could have a large poster of her when they were finished using it.  I did the same at f.y.e. with a poster they had as well.   I also asked there if I could have the “Lizzie McGuire Movie” video display when they were done with it.  They allowed me to have it.

 

At this point, it seemed that I was completely obsessed with Hilary, even going to the point of carrying the lyrics of “So Yesterday” in my pocket and reading them when I was depressed.

 

I was also joining as many online groups as I could from Yahoo to feed my desire for pictures, comments or anything else related to Hilary.

 

It would be obvious at this point I was not only obsessed, but crazy about her.  Some online groups shunned people like me for being “too old” for being a fan.  I told them that real fans came in all ages.  Certainly, I was not alone in my beliefs.

 

Then the big one happened.

 

Lizzie McGuire was done, but my obsession was not.

 

I had to find a new outlet for social relief.

 

So I started watching other Disney shows at the time such as “Suite Life of Zack and Cody”, “Hannah Montana” and “Wizards of Waverly Place” among others.  I quickly became obsessed with these shows as well.

 

I would buy as many of the teen magazines as I possibly could every month even though I was really too old for them.  It became apparent that I needed an intervention.

 

Before that would happen, I started watching shows on Nickelodeon as the shows on Disney Channel became stale.  Once again, my obsession with kid and teen shows grew.

 

At this point, much of my thoughts had turned away from Tanya.  However, one day while on the old MySpace, I decided to friend her out of the blue.  It appeared she either rejected me or ignored me.  At this point, I also noticed that she was living somewhere in the Midwest.  This bothered me as it seemed she wanted nothing to with me at all anymore.

 

So with no future with Tanya and no intervention, I was further encouraged with my admiration for people like Hilary over the remainder of time that I remained employed at Staples.

 

After leaving Staples, I decided that I was finally going to join the new social media revolution.  I signed up for Facebook and Twitter.  Quickly some of my old work colleagues friended me on Facebook and soon I would be using Twitter extensively as well.

 

Then I decided one day to look up Tanya on Facebook and Twitter.  I noticed on Facebook that she had since moved to Sherman Oaks California.  On Twitter, she had an account, but she has never tweeted.  I am only one of four of her followers.  I wonder if she knows that I am following her there even though she has never tweeted anything.  I also noticed that another one of her followers was a guy named Dave V.

 

So I decided to investigate him.  What I saw I didn’t like.  Then I did more and more reading about him, the less I liked.

 

This brings us up to the last couple of months.  I decided to Google Tanya’s name and I found out that she was engaged to this Dave guy.  Imagine the fact that I was completely heartbroken beyond belief.

 

So she moved 3,000 miles away to get away from me and then get engaged to someone else.  It appeared that my chances with her were over.

 

However, I still needed an output for my emotions.  So, a few months after starting my anti-Staples blog, I decided to start a new blog discussing virtually any other topic.  Ironically, many of those postings have been about teen shows just to help me cope with my social loss.  I know that many people have always been confused why I discuss these types of shows more than adult shows, but now I hopefully have cleared up the method behind my madness.  It is just my way of producing my own intervention or something like it.

 

Overall, Tanya’s wedding will not have my blessing under any circumstances.  I feel that I was shortchanged in this relationship as she refused to listen to me that I really wanted her, but I could not contact her because she was not found in the phonebook or any other method.  I don’t feel that I was to be to blame for this relationship failure, but a huge misunderstanding between 2 people.

 

Lastly, I still have those posters of Hilary on my living room wall and the “Lizzie McGuire” is still in my bedroom filled with all those teen books and video tapes from back in the day.

 

Tanya, you may be so yesterday, but I still wish that you would be really part of my tomorrow.

 

I am hoping someday you will get to read this and know that I still really care about you despite being so far away.  I wish I could right the wrongs of the past.

 

Sincerely,

 

Louis Brown

(your best friend from Staples)

 

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Colbert and Kid’s Choice Awards

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If you have been living under a rock, then the news that Stephen Colbert taking over for David Letterman next year may be a shock.

 

Not that I meant that to be a purposeful rhyme, but I don’t believe that Colbert was the best choice for the next in line for the 11:30pm time slot on CBS.  I feel that the choice was put forth by pressure of what the general public had wanted and not a true audition.

 

It was easy for CBS to pick Colbert because his show runs on Comedy Central, which is owned by Viacom.  This is the same company that used to own CBS therefore it was probably an even easier decision as the two companies are probably still cozy with each other.

 

As I have never watched Colbert’s show, I can’t say how good he will be, but from the clips I have seen I have low expectations.  I will probably watch once and never go back.

 

Speaking of Viacom, a couple of weeks ago, one of its other channels, Nickelodeon aired its annual slop-fest of ‘Kid’s Choice Awards”.  Every year, it seems that this show gets worse and worse.

 

This year was no different.  Host Mark Wahlberg ran around the stage saying “I can’t be slimed” and in the end does get it.  Gee, what a surprise.  When will they think up something new?  The host always gets the green goo on them at the end of the show.  How about a year where it doesn’t happen?

 

The only high point (if you can call it that) was the lifetime achievement award given to producer Dan Schneider.  If you don’t know who he is, he created shows such as “iCarly”, “Victorious”, “Drake and Josh”, “Zoey 101” among others.  The stage became the biggest reunion of his shows ever assembled.  However, it seemed that the “Zoey 101” cast was missing from this reunion.

 

Most importantly missing from this whole thing was Jennette McCurdy from “Sam & Cat”.  While this show won fan favorite, Jennette was a no-show.  Is she angry with the network that her show is on hiatus or does it have to do with the leaked lingerie photos of her that occurred a couple of months ago?  While the pics were not nudes, they still showed her in a less than kid-friendly wardrobe.   Maybe she is embarrassed or maybe fed up with Nickelodeon entirely.  Either way, we will probably never know for a long time if ever.  Overall, the show was bad and maybe Jennette knew it beforehand.

 

Frankly, I would love to see Colbert host the Kid’s Choice Awards only to get slimed.  It may change his mind of hosting another late night talk show.  Maybe, Jennette can host the late night show instead.

 

Just a thought.

 

Jinxed — Is this a review or Nickelodeon’s Status?

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On the last day of filming of “Victorious”, Victoria Justice walked out of Nickelodeon Studios shaking her fist and saying “Your will forever be cursed.  You will never have another hit EVER again!  NEVER!”  Then in a flash, she was gone forever.

 

Of course this could have been the storyline to Nickelodeon’s most recent movie called “Jinxed”.  It would have been a much better story.  Anyway onward with the review of this show

 

As I wrote a couple of months ago, I predicted that this movie would be a loser and boy was I right on with this one.  This movie premiered on the night of Black Friday and has run several times since.  Running at a total time of 1 ½ hours (roughly 1 hour 15 minutes without commercials), this movie is just a one trick pony that deals with a curse placed on a family generations earlier by an evil girl.  Eventually the family ends the curse and gives it to the family of the girl who gave them the curse.  However, in the end, the curse is once again given to the original family.  Sorry to act as spoiler but this is the whole short movie.  Not much to look at.

 

Let me say though that I love Ciara Bravo (from the show Big Time Rush) and it is good that she finally broke character as being a scheming girl to someone vulnerable.  Unfortunately, this movie did nothing except made her look cute and adorable while going through the motions of making a movie.

 

The only redeeming value of this film is that this film reminded me of the type of slop that was released by Disney back in the 1970’s,  the type of movies that always featured Kurt Russell, Joe Flynn, and Cesar Romero amongst others.  Back then, Disney was churning these movies on what seemed to be about 4 or 5 a year.  And yet they were all basically the same lousy story and same type of premise.  However, in the long run, this type of memories should be long forgotten and in no way resurrected.  Unfortunately this movie in some ways does just that.  Congratulations Nickelodeon for bringing back the bad past.

 

My score:  3

 

Summary:  Ignore this short, boring movie unless you love Ciara Bravo.  In that case, I recommend watching old episodes of “Big Time Rush”.

 

Now the point of this week’s posting.  It appears that Nickelodeon has been jinxed.

 

One look at the Saturday night lineup is all the proof anybody would need.  Consider that shows like “Wendell & Vinnie” are gone, “Sam & Cat” has disappeared replaced by “The Thundermans” and “Haunted Hathaways”.   Both of these new shows rely on special effects and neither are funny.  I may give a review of these shows in the future if they last long enough.

 

As far as “Sam & Cat” goes, the last show that aired 2 weeks ago made a reference to the crossroad of “Shields” and “Yarnell”.  Anybody who grew up in the 1970’s may get the joke, but the audience that this show attracts won’t have a clue.  I got the joke but it really wasn’t funny.  With the ongoing references like this, it won’t be long that we say so long to this show.

 

Maybe this show is jinxed or cursed.

 

Finally on other front, I am surprised that ABC recently aired the show of “Lady Gaga and the Muppets’ Holiday Spectacular” was nothing more than an epic fail.  First it aired for an 1 ½ starting at 9:30pm, well after most kids go to bed.  Secondly, Lady Gaga is not what I call a kid-friendly celebrity.  The show has had other airings, but they have all been after the midnight hour.  Is there something offensive about this show that it has to air so late, beyond Lady Gaga being on it?  I have not watched this show and have no intention to as I do not like Lady Gaga no matter how much I like the Muppets.  I bet I am not alone in this.

 

Maybe that show was cursed as well…

 

 

 

 

Victorious is Over?

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After nearly 3 years and 58 episodes, Victorious is now in the history books.  I wasn’t expecting to see the series finale come this early or end the way that it did.  To say that the series got a proper send-off is like saying that a book ends just because you ripped out the last 20 pages.  In other words, this show did not get the proper ending or any closure ending whatsoever.

It’s sad that this show became a rude and unnecessarily violent show probably just proved that this show needed to die and fast.  Funny it wasn’t anymore.  It became one angry mess with storylines that were all over the place and quickly ended without seeing real resolutions at the end of them.  I really thought that this show could have lasted much longer if the concept from the earlier episodes had continued through the entire series.

Victoria Justice’s previous series of Zoey 101 lasted 7 episodes longer and even through that series got wishy-washy to the end, it still was given a decent conclusion.  Could it have been that Dan Schneider, the creator, after being told it was cancelled, decided not to give the show a proper ending just out of spite?  It’s unknown, but something tells me that played into how this series ended.

So now here are my awards for this series:

  • Best Episode:  Wi-Fi in the Sky”.  This early episode really showed the characters at their best.  It pretty much was all downhill from this point forward.
  • Worst Episode:  “Rex Dies”.  Anybody who thinks death and hospitals are funny will enjoy this sick episode.  I cringed every time I watched this episode.
  • Best Guest Star:  Ke$ha.  Lots of glitter everywhere and Ke$ha actually had funny lines.  Maybe if the music thing doesn’t work out, she will have a future in comedy.
  • Worst Guest Star:  Shirley Jones.  The former Partridge Family star was unrecognizable playing a possibly dead star.  Just another not funny episode.
  • Best Extended Special Episode:  “iParty with Victorious”.  Yes, it really was an iCarly episode, but this crossover was the best of the series that was longer than the standard ½ hour.
  • Worst Extended Special Episode:  “Locked Up”.  Who thinks prison is funny especially in a country nobody would ever want to go?  Electrocuting a squid wasn’t funny either.

 

The real question now is what happens next.  Rumors of a Cat and Sam (from iCarly) spinoff is in the works and may happen by year’s end.  This may be our last hope until Dan Schneider comes up with something else.  Until then, all we have on Nickelodeon are lame cartoons and the return of Supah Ninjas.  I guess all is not all bad.

Fun Size Rating Maybe Not So Fun Size

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Well, as predicted the Victoria Justice movie that opens in about 10 days has received the more fierce PG-13 rating.

Apparently, as the rating states of partying, suggestive language and such, that this is REALLY not a kid’s movie and thus parents should be aware of that.  I sometimes question why the MPAA rates movies the way they do as sometimes the ratings seem far off from where they really should be.

However, this time I believe that in part potty-mouth Chelsea Handler could be to blame for this.  Maybe if someone else was in the role of the mother maybe it might have gotten the more kid-friendly PG rating instead.

Certainly this rating will reduce the audience significantly as parents keep the kids away from this movie.  Only time with tell how little this movie takes in at the box office/

When Nick Stars and Late Night Clash

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Last week, two of Nickelodeon’s cast members clashed with late night programming.  One had a less than desirable result, the other was barely palatable.  Let’s start with the better of the two first.

iCarly

Last Saturday night, Nick ran the premiere episode of the fifth and final shortened season of iCarly.  The episode titled “iShook America” was full of flaws, not just the desired one.  First thing to point out was that this show focused on the gang going to appear on “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon“.  If your child doesn’t know who he is, then I would recommend not bothering watching this episode as it won’t be understood very well by the intended audience.  Since the show runs after midnight, it is unexpected that the core audience of iCarly would even know who he is.

This was only the beginning of the problems with this episode.  Among other flaws include:

  • Late night shows are NEVER aired live so Gibby’s wardrobe malfunction would have been edited out.  The dancing sequence wasn’t even funny anyway.  A funnier one would have been the gang do the beer pong segment.  Nothing would have been funnier than seeing a drunken Gibby stumble throughout New York City.
  • Seattle, hometown of the iCarly gang, would have been dark because the show is on late at night and even being on the west coast it would still be dark outside.
  • The solicitation of money was used in an earlier episode from 4 years ago (“iOwe You“) and the solicitation was illegal then.  How did it all of a sudden get to be legal?  Sounds like a lack of knowing your previous story lines and the lack of writers checking their facts from the older episodes.

Sadly, this episode was so full of holes and inconsistencies that the show really wasn’t all that enjoyable or funny.  It appears that as the show heads to its quick exit, it wants guest stars on it as opposed to getting the facts right.

I am giving this show 3 ratings:

Rating for children: 4.  Might be enjoyable, but many jokes will fall silent on those under 16.

Rating for adults/general public:  7.  Adults may get the jokes, but will find inconsistencies in the show.

Raring for Jimmy Fallon fans: 9.  Fans will get the jokes and in-studio humor, but be irritated by the inconsistencies.

 

Victoria Justice on Chelsea Lately

What happens when the sweetest girl meets up with Ms. Late Night Potty-mouth?  A cringe-worthy performance that would make any Victoria fan even look away.

One would think that this show would lighten up the sexual humor for one episode.  Not so.  The opening act included the cast reading from Cosmopolitan magazine about female breasts.  Not only was this not funny, but it was sort of disgusting as well.

Let me say that I don’t watch Chelsea Lately with any consistency and it is quite obvious why.  Just one episode can be enough cringe-worthy material to keep anybody from watching more than occasionally.

Needless to say that the interview with Victoria Justice went no better.  It started with a giggly segment discussing parts of the female breast and went pretty much downhill from there.  If you have ever seen one Victoria interview, you have all ready seen everything that this one had to offer.  To make matters worse for poor Victoria was that she was wearing a nearly see-through top that made me wonder if something X-rated was going to happen after the show ended.  After all, Victoria is 19 and certainly free to do what she wants now in life.

Sadly these two appear in the forthcoming movie “Fun Size” as mother and daughter.  This movie, which comes out at the end of the month, does not yet have a rating as of this writing.  I predict that the rating will be PG-13 as opposed to the more family friendly PG.  The reason I am believing this is that Potty-Mouth Chelsea is in the movie and some movies get ratings based upon who is in it as opposed to its content.  If you don’t believe that, just check some actors and see their consistency with certain ratings.  It could be that the MPAA is lazy or just overwhelmed by the number of movies it has to rate.

This half hour show could not end soon enough as my appreciation of Victoria dropped a notch at least temporarily after this appearance.  I can still feel my eyes and ears bleeding after this show even after a week.  It took me that long to get over this horrible episode.

My Rating:  1. (2 if you are a daredevil).  The “eww-factor” is way too great to sit through this horrible episode no matter what.

 

Bottom Line

Neither show is worth watching and just proves you cannot mix a kid’s network with late night programming.  It just doesn’t work at all.    Now excuse me as I continue to flush out my eyes and ears of everything Chelsea.

 

 

Nickelodeon Scraps Line-Up — Now What?

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If you were going to remodel your house, I highly doubt that you would bulldoze down every other house on the street to do so.  However, this is exactly what Nick is doing with its Saturday night line-up.

Of course it should be common knowledge now that iCarly will see its last episode this November.  What has not been know is that Nick’s ratings have been down over 16% this year alone forcing the channel to do some other “remodeling” as well.  Two of Nicks other popular shows are being cancelled.  One I believe is not unexpected, the other was a little more of a surprise.

First on the chopping block is “How to Rock”.  Seriously I am not surprised about this one.  Three reasons lead me to this conclusion:

  1. It was downright boring.  These characters were so stereotyped that I could scream.  The dumb blonde, the rebel girl who hates the new girl, the stupid boys and the always cheerful girl.  The story lines were just as boring as the characters themselves.
  2. Non-white character led shows fail to make the grade on Nick.  Sadly, the proof of that lies in the way that “True Jackson VP” was treated during its Nick run.  The show had an ungracious cancellation that wasn’t even mentioned as a cancellation and during many of the weeks it’s aired, it was rarely promoted as airing a new episode.  The same could also be said about “Supah Ninjas”, whose future also seems to be up in the air even though rumors of a second season were mentioned several months ago, but nothing concrete has been heard from the show since.
  3. The show is too similar to Disney Channel’s “A.N.T. Farm”.  The type of characters are too much of the same types, but the Disney show is much more entertaining.

The other show seeing the axe is “Victorious”.  I have a few different reasons why this show is being canned:

  1. The star, Victoria Justice, is just way too busy with too many other projects.
  2. The show’s comedy wasn’t relatable to children.  With references to such thing as Elvis, the tv show  “Dating Game”, and the tv show “Match Game“.  References to 1970’s pop culture may interest adults, but is way over the heads of the kids in the audience.
  3. The show became too adult with its situations.  As with #2, much of the humor could only be related to the adult audience.  This was also a problem with “True Jackson” as it got caught up in fashion lingo through many of its episodes, therefore making it much less easy to follow and less enjoyable.
  4. The characters were always angry at each other.  Is anger funny?  I think not given the current situation in the world.  It’s odd that after 3 seasons that this show has generated so much yelling and anger between characters.  If I want yelling and anger, I will watch one of the cable news shows.

Rumors have also been circulating that Nick wants to also cancel the show “Big Time Rush” as well, thus making a clean sweep of its entire primetime lineup.  Certainly if this happened, I believe that fans would be leaving Nickelodeon in droves and possibly never returning again.

So what does Nick plan to put in its place?  Apparently, to start, a new version reboot of the worn out “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles“.  Sad to say, if this is there best offering then Nick is REALLY in trouble and certainly will lose a lot of viewers.  Hopefully, Nick doesn’t load their schedule with tons of “SpongeBob” and lame shows like the WALL-E wannabe show “Robot and Monster”.  Nick can’t live off animated series alone as they tried this a long time ago and it didn’t work.  You can’t resurrect the past and you can’t rebuild what has been destroyed.  We should all take this as a warning that Nick is in trouble.